An Angry Word

I have an anger problem.

When its said that never speak when you're angry, I finally believe. Maybe my anger was justified or NOT, but still I spoke and i'm now in it.

I have never been able to rest in peace when there's a feud (I am aware of), be it silent or otherwise exists towards me. Got home late last night or you could call it early hours of this morning, tore my lovely adorable chinos trousers jumping over my close gate cos it was locked from within and couldn't sleep. Why? I called a friend a 'PIG', in an attempt to be spiteful, hurtful and for once draw blood. It did have the desired effect but not one I am comfortable with.

Yes, I'm given the silent treatment. Its not so much a silent treatment per say, but more like an avoidance and no/limited contact and communication. Really not enjoying this at all.

In my restlessness, I've downed 12 queen cakes, 1 chopsey, 1 peach drink, 1 plate of rice, some roasted corn, 1 plate of yogurt and a large cup of tea with lots of milk. Yes, I eat a lot when I'm stressed. That's one of the reasons I want this feud to be over. I can't afford to blowup over this.

Its times like this I wish so dearly that I had someone other than my blog and 'My Guy' to bitch/rant to.

But seriously, I find that everytime I 'm angry, I just can't keep my mouth shut to save my life. I am not one to stew in anger and keep my dark and probably vengeful thoughts to myself. I must speak. Why?

I must admit, I really do try not to speak, but it just comes out raw , spiteful and vengeful. And truth be told, if another person offends me, I am silent as a lamb. I won't utter a word but will bitch in private. But I flare at the least provocation. I am not naturally sharp-tongued but ...

This should honestly stop. I really do need help.